The staff here at The Spill would like to thank you, dear readers, for your encouragement through this holiday season. It has meant a lot to have your support through The Spill's first Christmas, and considering this, things have run quite smoothly in the past month. Together, we have reaffirmed the simple truths of Christmas, such as this: The greatest gifts in life don't come in a box. They come as Gift Cards.
As the season has now come to a close, The Spill has switched back to it's original colors and template, as you may have seen.
Once again, thank you for your encouragement.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
(Bitter)Sweet Holiday Memories
Last night while I was in bed worrying about the likeliness of dying in my sleep by pillow asphyxiation, I took a moment to reflect upon my fondest holiday-related memories. Before going back to worrying, that is. It seems as if those Christmas moments that are perfect, where everybody is laughing and having a great time, my brain doesn't find worthy of remembrance. But if you ever mention "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells", I will immediately recall the mistake I made that one Christmas Eve, wherein I interrupted a nice and quiet candlelight service by blurting out this festive ditty. Of course, I try not to refer to these situations as "mistakes", per se. I'd like to think of them as lessons. Yes, I admit it's a little hard to not think of them as mistakes, especially when I can also recall my mother's hand swinging over to cover my mouth - to save both of us from embarrassment, I suppose - at a velocity that sent me a few pews back. But truly, I wasn't a bad kid. I guess the holiday spirit overcame my little five-year-old self at a bad time. Right in the middle of a candlelight service, to be precise. Not to be confused with that one candlelight service where a lady's hair caught fire from a candle, and my aunt had to beat it out. No, that was a different year. No matter, the point I'm coming to is this: Why can't I remember more of the good times, and less of the... uh, "questionable" times? You know what I mean?
Oh yes, and another bittersweet Christmas memory: The Runaway Sled. This semi-disaster occurred one snowy afternoon while sledding with my siblings and a few cousins on the side of a large hill next to our house. This hill - known to us hardcore sledders as "The Dike" - was the sledders equivalent of a Triple-Black-Diamond, reason being that it was suicidally steep, and if you didn't bail out fast enough, you'd run smack into a barbed-wire fence. Oh, and on the other side of this fence was a relatively busy road. With cars and everything. And, slim as it was, there was always the chance that you could hit a gerbil, putting an abrupt end to your run.
Okay, in point of fact, there were no gerbils, but I've been wanting to use that word for a long time. Gerbil. Funny. I know, any credibility this post had built up just went out the window. I apologize. Just forget about the gerbil. On with the story:
The first few runs down the hill were "iffy", to put it delicately, but a few mangled kids later, we had developed a pretty fluid routine: "Sledder" sits on sled, two "Pushers" push Sledder, Sledder endures about 3.5 seconds of terror, Sledder bails, looks up at Pushers and pretends to have enjoyed it, lugs sled back up hill, then repeats. A vicious cycle, to be sure. But this was fun, as we frequently reminded each other. When my turn came around, I sat on the sled, looking down the hill. Which, by the way, looked much steeper from the top.
I blame my Pushers for what happened next.
The groove that had been worn into the side of the hill by our numerous runs served as a sort of track to keep us on course. At the beginning of my turn however, the sled leapt out of the groove and started careening downhill, cutting a fresh trail. In this moment of random chaos, all of my Sledder's Training left me, via my bladder. I didn't bail as I was taught. Consequently, I ran straight into the barbed wire, while my sled slipped under the fence, sliding to a stop on the road. The chaos, the confusion, it all suddenly gave way to silence. Bruised and battered, I lay at the bottom of the hill, a motionless lump of snow gear. The Pushers, having witnessed the disaster, took action. In the form of hysterical laughter.
I spent the rest of the day indoors with a mug of hot cocoa in front of Home Alone. Soon, the events of the early afternoon were all but forgotten, only to be remembered every following year of my life, even to the present.
Remember those joyous times spent 'round the fire, with your father reading a Christmas book as you children sat and listened eagerly? Because I don't. And I don't know why. I am forever cursed to remember such moments as the Gravy Incident, which my brain delights in recalling whenever I sit down to eat during the holidays. It takes all the self-control I can muster to not bang my head against a wall repeatedly, but I know that this act would solve nothing. Because we all know violence is not the answer. Unless the question is what's not the answer.
Well, my dear friend, (If you've read this far, than you must be my friend) I believe it's time to close down Memory Lane. I have to admit, no matter how terrible some of those moments seemed at the time, it's been fun remembering them with you.
Epiphany! What if the good memories are really just the bad ones that are recalled when the subject of said memories (Me, in this case) has matured? Wow. That's deep.
I'm trying to wrap up. Thanks so much for reading, and may God bless your holiday season. I hope you have a very, very Merry Gerbil. Hehe...
Oh yes, and another bittersweet Christmas memory: The Runaway Sled. This semi-disaster occurred one snowy afternoon while sledding with my siblings and a few cousins on the side of a large hill next to our house. This hill - known to us hardcore sledders as "The Dike" - was the sledders equivalent of a Triple-Black-Diamond, reason being that it was suicidally steep, and if you didn't bail out fast enough, you'd run smack into a barbed-wire fence. Oh, and on the other side of this fence was a relatively busy road. With cars and everything. And, slim as it was, there was always the chance that you could hit a gerbil, putting an abrupt end to your run.
Okay, in point of fact, there were no gerbils, but I've been wanting to use that word for a long time. Gerbil. Funny. I know, any credibility this post had built up just went out the window. I apologize. Just forget about the gerbil. On with the story:
The first few runs down the hill were "iffy", to put it delicately, but a few mangled kids later, we had developed a pretty fluid routine: "Sledder" sits on sled, two "Pushers" push Sledder, Sledder endures about 3.5 seconds of terror, Sledder bails, looks up at Pushers and pretends to have enjoyed it, lugs sled back up hill, then repeats. A vicious cycle, to be sure. But this was fun, as we frequently reminded each other. When my turn came around, I sat on the sled, looking down the hill. Which, by the way, looked much steeper from the top.
I blame my Pushers for what happened next.
The groove that had been worn into the side of the hill by our numerous runs served as a sort of track to keep us on course. At the beginning of my turn however, the sled leapt out of the groove and started careening downhill, cutting a fresh trail. In this moment of random chaos, all of my Sledder's Training left me, via my bladder. I didn't bail as I was taught. Consequently, I ran straight into the barbed wire, while my sled slipped under the fence, sliding to a stop on the road. The chaos, the confusion, it all suddenly gave way to silence. Bruised and battered, I lay at the bottom of the hill, a motionless lump of snow gear. The Pushers, having witnessed the disaster, took action. In the form of hysterical laughter.
I spent the rest of the day indoors with a mug of hot cocoa in front of Home Alone. Soon, the events of the early afternoon were all but forgotten, only to be remembered every following year of my life, even to the present.
Remember those joyous times spent 'round the fire, with your father reading a Christmas book as you children sat and listened eagerly? Because I don't. And I don't know why. I am forever cursed to remember such moments as the Gravy Incident, which my brain delights in recalling whenever I sit down to eat during the holidays. It takes all the self-control I can muster to not bang my head against a wall repeatedly, but I know that this act would solve nothing. Because we all know violence is not the answer. Unless the question is what's not the answer.
Well, my dear friend, (If you've read this far, than you must be my friend) I believe it's time to close down Memory Lane. I have to admit, no matter how terrible some of those moments seemed at the time, it's been fun remembering them with you.
Epiphany! What if the good memories are really just the bad ones that are recalled when the subject of said memories (Me, in this case) has matured? Wow. That's deep.
I'm trying to wrap up. Thanks so much for reading, and may God bless your holiday season. I hope you have a very, very Merry Gerbil. Hehe...
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Just A Little Yuletide Cheer
I've decided to take this time, while my cookies are in the oven, to add a bit of yuletide cheer to your day. I'm writing this post for you, my dear reader, because it's been brought to my attention that most people do not know the exact meaning of the word "yuletide", nor why it seems to surface every December. Am I right? Of course I am! Well, the word in question means, quite simply, Christmastime. Don't be too disappointed now; I was expecting a more complex answer myself. Perhaps a word with background, historical significance and meaning. But no, when I looked the word up this morning, this is all I got. And yes, it's kind of boring. Turns out that "Yuletide" comes from the root word "yule" (meaning Christmas), and the rootless word "tide" (meaning detergent). So there you go.
Note: We at The Spill (Motto: We're fun, and educational!) take pride in reporting only the facts. In keeping up with our sterling reputation, it is our duty to see to it that you leave this blog a much smarter person then you came, and if not much smarter, than slightly smarter. Or even just as smart as you were. In fact, anything above the "stupider-than-you-came" mark is okay with us. And now, back to the usual tripe.
Behold the Christmas season: It's that wonderful time of year when people of all ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds, can join together with the common goal of finding a parking space at the mall. This being the equivalent, difficulty-wise, of finding Mike Tyson at a Scrabble tournament. No really, it's a beautiful season. Strangers smile at you, cheerful holiday music plays almost everywhere, and you can almost smell the Christmas spirit wafting through the air. sniffff...
Wait. That's not Christmas spirit, it's my cookies. They're burning.
Note: We at The Spill (Motto: We're fun, and educational!) take pride in reporting only the facts. In keeping up with our sterling reputation, it is our duty to see to it that you leave this blog a much smarter person then you came, and if not much smarter, than slightly smarter. Or even just as smart as you were. In fact, anything above the "stupider-than-you-came" mark is okay with us. And now, back to the usual tripe.
Behold the Christmas season: It's that wonderful time of year when people of all ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds, can join together with the common goal of finding a parking space at the mall. This being the equivalent, difficulty-wise, of finding Mike Tyson at a Scrabble tournament. No really, it's a beautiful season. Strangers smile at you, cheerful holiday music plays almost everywhere, and you can almost smell the Christmas spirit wafting through the air. sniffff...
Wait. That's not Christmas spirit, it's my cookies. They're burning.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Holiday Playlist: Editor's Pick
And now for some of my personal favorites. For this year anyway.
Track 1: Green Christmas - BNL
Track 2: Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Jack Johnson
Track 3: Merry Christmas Darling - The Carpenters
Track 4: What Christmas Means To Me - Jessica Simpson
Track 5: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Point Of Grace
Track 6: Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
Track 7: Donde Esta Santa Claus? - Guster
Track 8: Hey Santa - Ashanti
Track 9: White Christmas - Chicago
Track 10: Winter Wonderland - Liz Phair
Track 1: Green Christmas - BNL
Track 2: Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Jack Johnson
Track 3: Merry Christmas Darling - The Carpenters
Track 4: What Christmas Means To Me - Jessica Simpson
Track 5: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Point Of Grace
Track 6: Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
Track 7: Donde Esta Santa Claus? - Guster
Track 8: Hey Santa - Ashanti
Track 9: White Christmas - Chicago
Track 10: Winter Wonderland - Liz Phair
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Holiday Playlist: The Classics
Merry Christmas! Tis the season for family, friends, and friends of the family. Tis the season for snow, toboggans, thermal underwear, and tobogganing while the snow fills your thermal underwear. Indeed, tis the only season when you can use the word "tis". And, above all, tis the season for music. Without further adu/uhdoo/a-doo, [Editor's Note: Please choose correct spelling] I shall now list the classics; here are the holiday music staples. Without these Christmas classics, nobody's yuletide season would be complete.
Track 1: The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
Track 2: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - Dean Martin
Track 3: Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Track 4: Little Saint Nick - The Beach Boys
Track 5: White Christmas - Bing Crosby
Track 6: Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee
Track 7: Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Gene Autry
Track 8: Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms
Track 9: Winter Wonderland - Tony Bennett
Track 10: The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - Andy Williams
Track 1: The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
Track 2: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - Dean Martin
Track 3: Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Track 4: Little Saint Nick - The Beach Boys
Track 5: White Christmas - Bing Crosby
Track 6: Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee
Track 7: Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Gene Autry
Track 8: Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms
Track 9: Winter Wonderland - Tony Bennett
Track 10: The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - Andy Williams
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
